No judging but our careers mean a lot less if more of us make the choice to not have children. Good parents, that sacrifice to try and raise their children well, deserve much more respect than they receive. If parents are lucky enough their children repay them for those sacrifices by caring for the parents at the end. I'm in the middle of that with elderly parents and I don't know what their quality of life would be without children to help. Also love your work Jared!
I normally enjoy your writings. I’m glad you are taking such pride in your accomplishments. I too have had a good career, but also chose to have children. Yes, accomplishment takes sacrifice, regardless of the direction. However, I’m now living my best life in my 60s, active and healthy while people around me are dropping like flies. My children and grandchildren are near and when I get older and need help, I have loved ones and won’t ever be alone. So, those 5 years of poop were worth all the love I’ve given and received. And I’m healthy. I haven’t sacrificed my health (after all, if we don’t live long and live well, what are our accomplishments worth in the end?) in order to have a career that won’t ever love me back. Valuing ones own accomplishments are important, but what difference does your life make if you don’t love others and you have no one to love you. Ego won’t ever love you.
I think that a time management skill is prioritizing things.
having every minute calculated and designed can be a burden. when things don't go as supposed or when there is too much on a to-do list.
if every day looks like you presented where is your relaxation time? nowadays everyone talks about meditation, walking and mindfulness. Looks to me like the next productivity hack may be worth trying.
you sleep 8 hours a night how you achieved it by having 7 cats?
I have 3 cats and a dog and they ruin my night on average 3 times a week.
Plenty of people in the bottom half by earnings are married and still married. I ruled out the welfare crowd, I am talking about working people in working class neighborhoods. Plenty of divorce and single parents in high end areas.
My last neighborhood was high income and we had plenty of people who had not gone to college. It was doctors, lawyers, engineers, plumbers, electricians, etc... Several entrepreneurs. There is more than one way to skin a cat and a modern college degree has been as debased as our currency. I just completed a degree and it might as well have been an associates compared to the standards of the 80's when I got my first degrees. When students are stupid a degree won´t save them. Many baristas have degrees. Outside of STEM degrees have become a bit of a joke as everyone who shows up passes.
By better kids I do not mean the bottom feeder welfare types, I mean working class and I see more reality based kids there who know what gender they are and show respect and politeness. I was talking to a contractor who said the only white employees who work hard for him grew up in troubled homes or foster care, the rest just don´t want to work hard. Mostly he hires Hispanics. I started working at 12 and only waited that long because we did not live in town before that. My husband grew up in a trailer. Maybe I have bias based on the people I hang around with. In high end neighborhoods I saw kids who all had anxiety, were on prescriptions and were like younger versions of the chronically neurotic people in Woody Allen movies.
Great essay as always. Discipline... but the one line that says it all "Do everything with a sense of urgency, as if your life depends on it, then you will see results."
I'm about your age Jared and I regret not having kids. I think its a right of passage in life to evolve into less of a selfish person. My friends and siblings that had kids I think are overall happier, more satisfied and more complete people. I have never met anyone that regrets having their kids. I would have liked to teach kids wisdom and influence them. I think holidays, vacations, coaching sports, etc... much better with a family. Adds to the "fabric" of your time on the planet.
I am ambivalent at best about some of my kids. I can´t express the amount of pain they have caused, I have one very good one and the other two have lost their minds. I do believe we learn and grow from having children, but we learn and grow from all of life's experiences. I have a friend who never married or had children and she told me quite a few of her friends have told her she dodged a bullet, people just don't say it publicly as it is not socially acceptable. Neil Howe predicted this change in filial obligation and even in Mexico kids are dumping their parents now. They call their snowflakes crystales. Everything is called abuse now and we are blamed for their every problem. Kids are no guarantee of old age care or holiday fun. I am ok now, but went through some very hard years of grieving.
Thanks for the honest assesment Liz. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side :) The problem of course with countries where no one has kids is the population falls, or you have to greatly increase immigration which has its own issues. Europe is going though this big time now. Japan, China, South Korea, Taiwan, etc... all have super low birth rates. If they don't take immigrants their population & GDP's will fall dramatically in coming years. I hear you on how society has made it tough to discipline kids. And social media/internet is a nightmare for parents with their kids. Major issues. Also, people like Jared would be the types that have the resources to have kids (high income, educated, successful, married). When low income single parents have kids many problems for society can be created.
Not having kids is disastrous on a societal basis, very true. I did my bit, slightly over replacement with 3. In my experience, lower income homes produce better kids and if I had it to do over, I would have tried to raise my kids in blue collar neighborhoods as the discipline levels are higher overall. Due to the nature of my husband's work we were in upper class communities and those kids are out of their minds. The sanity levels are higher in kids who come from poor families and the work ethic is better as long as they are above the welfare class. My husband and I grew up without money in low status areas and I believe that contributed to our later success.
I doubt there is any evidence to support "lower income homes produce better kids". But there is a lot of data around felons and in folks in prison that shows that they disproportionately come from low income + single parent homes. That said, there are certainly plenty of people that do well in the world from low income homes of course. And I would bet that if I looked, there is a correlation to a childs test scores, future median income, and college completion with the wealth of parents + two parent homes + education level of parents.
No judging but our careers mean a lot less if more of us make the choice to not have children. Good parents, that sacrifice to try and raise their children well, deserve much more respect than they receive. If parents are lucky enough their children repay them for those sacrifices by caring for the parents at the end. I'm in the middle of that with elderly parents and I don't know what their quality of life would be without children to help. Also love your work Jared!
I love Jared’s post. They’re both informative and hilarious.
I normally enjoy your writings. I’m glad you are taking such pride in your accomplishments. I too have had a good career, but also chose to have children. Yes, accomplishment takes sacrifice, regardless of the direction. However, I’m now living my best life in my 60s, active and healthy while people around me are dropping like flies. My children and grandchildren are near and when I get older and need help, I have loved ones and won’t ever be alone. So, those 5 years of poop were worth all the love I’ve given and received. And I’m healthy. I haven’t sacrificed my health (after all, if we don’t live long and live well, what are our accomplishments worth in the end?) in order to have a career that won’t ever love me back. Valuing ones own accomplishments are important, but what difference does your life make if you don’t love others and you have no one to love you. Ego won’t ever love you.
Glad to hear your back at the gym. Exercise is vital for me, also helps with sleep.
I think that a time management skill is prioritizing things.
having every minute calculated and designed can be a burden. when things don't go as supposed or when there is too much on a to-do list.
if every day looks like you presented where is your relaxation time? nowadays everyone talks about meditation, walking and mindfulness. Looks to me like the next productivity hack may be worth trying.
you sleep 8 hours a night how you achieved it by having 7 cats?
I have 3 cats and a dog and they ruin my night on average 3 times a week.
Like your achievements!
have a great day!
Maybe if you worked out more, your writing would be more efficient?
1. Thank you for your service.
2. I choose to play on the Team No Kids years ago. No regrets.
Plenty of people in the bottom half by earnings are married and still married. I ruled out the welfare crowd, I am talking about working people in working class neighborhoods. Plenty of divorce and single parents in high end areas.
My last neighborhood was high income and we had plenty of people who had not gone to college. It was doctors, lawyers, engineers, plumbers, electricians, etc... Several entrepreneurs. There is more than one way to skin a cat and a modern college degree has been as debased as our currency. I just completed a degree and it might as well have been an associates compared to the standards of the 80's when I got my first degrees. When students are stupid a degree won´t save them. Many baristas have degrees. Outside of STEM degrees have become a bit of a joke as everyone who shows up passes.
By better kids I do not mean the bottom feeder welfare types, I mean working class and I see more reality based kids there who know what gender they are and show respect and politeness. I was talking to a contractor who said the only white employees who work hard for him grew up in troubled homes or foster care, the rest just don´t want to work hard. Mostly he hires Hispanics. I started working at 12 and only waited that long because we did not live in town before that. My husband grew up in a trailer. Maybe I have bias based on the people I hang around with. In high end neighborhoods I saw kids who all had anxiety, were on prescriptions and were like younger versions of the chronically neurotic people in Woody Allen movies.
Great essay as always. Discipline... but the one line that says it all "Do everything with a sense of urgency, as if your life depends on it, then you will see results."
I'm about your age Jared and I regret not having kids. I think its a right of passage in life to evolve into less of a selfish person. My friends and siblings that had kids I think are overall happier, more satisfied and more complete people. I have never met anyone that regrets having their kids. I would have liked to teach kids wisdom and influence them. I think holidays, vacations, coaching sports, etc... much better with a family. Adds to the "fabric" of your time on the planet.
I am ambivalent at best about some of my kids. I can´t express the amount of pain they have caused, I have one very good one and the other two have lost their minds. I do believe we learn and grow from having children, but we learn and grow from all of life's experiences. I have a friend who never married or had children and she told me quite a few of her friends have told her she dodged a bullet, people just don't say it publicly as it is not socially acceptable. Neil Howe predicted this change in filial obligation and even in Mexico kids are dumping their parents now. They call their snowflakes crystales. Everything is called abuse now and we are blamed for their every problem. Kids are no guarantee of old age care or holiday fun. I am ok now, but went through some very hard years of grieving.
Thanks for the honest assesment Liz. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side :) The problem of course with countries where no one has kids is the population falls, or you have to greatly increase immigration which has its own issues. Europe is going though this big time now. Japan, China, South Korea, Taiwan, etc... all have super low birth rates. If they don't take immigrants their population & GDP's will fall dramatically in coming years. I hear you on how society has made it tough to discipline kids. And social media/internet is a nightmare for parents with their kids. Major issues. Also, people like Jared would be the types that have the resources to have kids (high income, educated, successful, married). When low income single parents have kids many problems for society can be created.
Not having kids is disastrous on a societal basis, very true. I did my bit, slightly over replacement with 3. In my experience, lower income homes produce better kids and if I had it to do over, I would have tried to raise my kids in blue collar neighborhoods as the discipline levels are higher overall. Due to the nature of my husband's work we were in upper class communities and those kids are out of their minds. The sanity levels are higher in kids who come from poor families and the work ethic is better as long as they are above the welfare class. My husband and I grew up without money in low status areas and I believe that contributed to our later success.
I doubt there is any evidence to support "lower income homes produce better kids". But there is a lot of data around felons and in folks in prison that shows that they disproportionately come from low income + single parent homes. That said, there are certainly plenty of people that do well in the world from low income homes of course. And I would bet that if I looked, there is a correlation to a childs test scores, future median income, and college completion with the wealth of parents + two parent homes + education level of parents.
you never see a fat vegetarian. Just sayin'