The Hugh Laurie Effect

You oughta head over to Hugh Laurie’s Wikipedia page sometime. Let me just catch everyone up here: Hugh Laurie is the British actor probably best known for his role in the TV show House, MD. I watched it religiously back in the day. Hugh Laurie was spellbinding, as a chaotic neutral physician.

Here is an abridged list of his accomplishments:

· Accomplished actor, winning multiple Golden Globes

· Bestselling author

· Near-Olympic rower

· Appointed Officer of the Order of the British Empire

· Plays multiple instruments, including piano, guitar, drums, harmonica, and saxophone

· Released two blues albums—successful, of course

· Hosted Saturday Night Live twice

· Good-looking guy, naturally

· Been married to the same woman for 36 years

It hardly seems fair. The guy is hogging all the brains, all the beauty, all the athletic ability, and all the talent. Leave some for the rest of us, my man.

You ever notice that sort of thing happens a lot? That smart people are also good looking and also talented and everything else? And that the stupid people also tend to be fat and ugly?

I’m the furthest thing from an expert on genetics. But it kind of reminds me of Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World where you had the Alphas on one end and the Epsilons on the other end. The fashionable word these days is polymath, which means “an individual with broad and deep knowledge across many different fields, often characterized by their ability to apply knowledge from diverse areas to solve problems.” But we’re not talking about polymathism. We’re talking about pure genetic superiority.

I have a little bit of this, but not to the extent of Hugh Laurie. I am a trader, writer, and musician, and sort of a self-taught psychologist. When It comes to athletics, I am Mr. Magoo, but I used to be a half-decent racquetball player. I am also not very good-looking, but if I were 40-pounds lighter, which I was at one time, I’d be getting the occasional phone number (which I did). But Hugh Laurie is orders of magnitude more special than me. My books have not been bestsellers and I have been struggling musically. This fucking guy is just the king of everything.

Socioeconomic status does confer some benefits. Hugh Laurie came from a well-to-do family, and went to school at Eton. His father was also a rower. Rich parents can pay for private school and music lessons and sports. Some people are just raised right. But you can be raised right and still a shithead. There were some statistics going around about how there was a direct correlation between the college protesters and the tuition they paid to go to school. This isn’t a political statement at all—if you’re living in a tent in the quad, there is a very good chance that you won’t amount to much as an adult, without going through a radical ideological transformation. But that is neither here nor there.

No, some people just win the genetic lottery, and all the abilities cluster in one person, and there is nothing we can do about it. By the way, not too many Republicans were happy with the choice of Dr. Mehmet Oz to run against John Fetterman for the open Pennsylvania Senate seat in 2024. But Dr. Oz is no slouch. Some highlights:

• Dr. Mehmet Oz received his undergraduate degree from Harvard University in 1982.

• While at Harvard, he was awarded the Captain’s Athletic Award for leadership, recognizing his contributions and leadership in athletics.

• He was elected Class President twice during his college years, demonstrating his peers' recognition of his leadership abilities.

• After Harvard, he attended the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and Wharton Business School, earning a joint MD and MBA in 1986.

• During medical school, he was elected President of the Student Body, further highlighting his leadership and engagement in academic life.

• He is a world-renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. He served as Director of the Cardiovascular Institute at New York Presbyterian Hospital and was Professor of Surgery at Columbia University, where he is now Professor Emeritus.

• He pioneered innovations in heart surgery, including minimally invasive procedures and the development of the MitraClip device for repairing heart valves without surgery.

• Oz has authored over 400 original publications, book chapters, and medical books, and is a member of every major professional society for heart surgeons.

Dr. Oz was characterized by Republicans as a “goofball” candidate. The crudite bit didn’t help. Clearly, he was not a goofball candidate. He may have been inexperienced in politics, but this is what happens if you do a TV show for stupid people. But the guy is just better than me, and he is better than you, too. Also, Fetterman turned out to be a highly gifted politician—Oz might have won against a weaker candidate.

One of my favorite movies of the last ten years is La La Land. Hey, Ryan Gosling can sign and dance! Hey, Emma Stone can sing and dance! News flash: all celebrities are talented in multiple ways. Some actors are such good musicians, they could have easily had a career as a musician. Ever see Walk The Line? Reese Witherspoon was incredible, and Joaquin Phoenix was no slouch as Johnny Cash. Terry Crews plays the flute. Steve Martin can play the banjo. Bernie Williams plays classical guitar. Colin Farrell can really dance. Justin Bieber can solve a Rubik’s cube in nothing flat—who knew? Lucy Liu is a very good painter. Nicole Ritchie almost went pro in figure skating. Gisele Bundchen is a helicopter pilot. And everyone knows about Hedy Lamarr. Again: talents cluster. Some people get all the good genes, and some people get all the shit.

About the people who get all the shit. Poor people don’t figure prominently in pop culture, mostly because they’re not interesting. I suppose The Conners is a show that is explicitly about lower-class people, but beyond that, there isn’t much, and by the way, The Conners isn’t credible, because the actors are smart, and there’s no possible way that such smart people could also be poor. Even in The Whale, the 800-pound Brendan Fraser played a smart character (a college professor) who had scratched together a bit of money. No, the only movie that has an unflinchingly honest view of the talentless was Boys Don’t Cry, about a shiftless bunch of miscreants and drug addicts in rural Kansas, and they were absolute vipers. I’d throw Saturday Night Fever in there, too, easily the most depressing movie I have ever seen in my life. Both are Chekhov-like portrayals of the epsilons. Nobody wants to see this. People would much rather watch movies about the smart, the talented, the brave, and the virtuous. If the protagonist is an epsilon, it’s a lot harder for him to save the cat. I’d add that Boys Don’t Cry and The Whale were not big-grossing movies at the box office. Nobody wants to see that. Saturday Night Fever was redeemed by the legendary dance scene.

I will be a little more charitable here and say that most people are talented in one way or another. And I’m not just talking about the obvious ones like music. I have a friend who can fix motorcycles—no way I can do that. Some people can cook—no way I can do that. I once knew a guy who was five-foot-eight and was a mean basketball player. Never going to go pro, but a talent nonetheless. Like most of my essays, this one is about work and effort. A talent is worth nothing unless you cultivate it. I am a good DJ, but that is because I practiced for four hours a day for the first two years. Anyone who is good at something put in the time. I hired a guitar player for my conference reception. The guitar player, Zach, told me that he didn’t start playing until he was 14. But the guy is a virtuoso. He plays for hours…and hours…and hours. He teaches guitar at Coastal Carolina. By the way, I took a few DJ lessons myself, from my pal Mike. Now, Mike had given a dozen people DJ lessons, and none of them ever did anything with it. I did, and I have gone on to have a massive career, relatively speaking. Talent plus work equals winning. Talent plus no work equals jack shit.

About the comeliness part. Yes, it is true that some people are naturally good-looking. But there is a lot of work that goes into physical attractiveness. Hours in the gym. Clothes. Makeup. Hair. People who are good-looking probably spend more time thinking about being good-looking than you do. Physical attractiveness, like a lot of things, is primarily a function of work. Pamela Anderson is going around without makeup these days. See a difference? Yes, just a slight difference. The smart and good-looking people end up as movie stars and CEOs. The smart and ugly people end up as academics. But again, it’s entirely a function of work.

The rich and famous people, whether in business, finance, entertainment, or athletics, are there for a reason. They are all gifted in myriad ways. It is not an accident. It is partially luck, partially the genetic lottery, but partially not. You have to work at it until your balls ache.