A few years ago the movie 'Collateral Beauty' caught my imagination. It is the story of an entrepreneur whose young daughter dies from cancer. He goes into a shell and neglects everything and everyone, The company is coming up to a crisis of management and he is AWOL, so his close friends engage a troup of actors to try to bring him back to reality.
Their thesis is yes, tragedy happens but good things also happen. Don't miss the collateral beauty. I related to this story because I buried my wife of 20 years at the same time my business went broke and I had to move my teenage daughter from our ancestral home. 1988 was a tough year for me.
I have learned shit happens, but Grace also happens. Don't miss the collateral beauty.
I know many people who have gone through the death of a child and worse. We are responsible for our own happiness. I am a generally cheerful person and it is as a result of past suffering. Everything bad in my life led to everything good. Age gives us perspective.
Reminds me of a friend many years ago, and I only remember his nickname, Red, but we were in the back seat of a van traveling late at night and he started complaining about how bad things were always happening to him, so I asked, "Like what?", and he launched into a series of things that had happened where he felt the world was out to get him. After listening to him for well over an hour, I told him, "Red, there's a common denominator to nearly all these bad experiences you've told me."
"What?", he kind of defiantly replied.
Me: "The all started in a bar."
He paused for a few seconds, eyes wide as he reviewed in his mind what he had shared, then said, "There's no way I'm giving up going to bars."
Me: "Your call. But if you don't want trouble, it's best to avoid going where it's easily found."
Your writing is so personable and truthful … but the line about losing your hands in a farm equipment accident? I know you Jared and I’m betting you have never been, nor ever will, be close enough to farm equipment to ever risk harm 😳. Luv ya …
Whatever happens to us, happened to multitudes before us, the good and the bad. We choose the way we deal with adversity. In the end nothing lasts forever, might as well enjoy the ride. We know how the game ends. I quit drinking 23 years ago , smoking 12. I replaced these destructive stress management practices with exercise, movement and gratitude. The high of a good life is actually way better than substance induced, it just takes longer to get addicted.
Wow! So heartfelt... I truly love when you open up your soul and talk about your struggles of the past as well as your foundation for success in living life now.
We all have challenges. My toughest year was 2014 when I was on drugs, but I was more addicted to rescuing (co-dependence is the hardest thing to overcome for me). I literally went crazy, but in my crazy 4 words kept popping in my head (I thought it was for the person I was trying to rescue) ... those words were "Forgive, Love, Let Go" and I would put them out for the person I was trying to rescue...and then I heard in my head ... "Those words are for you (me)!" And I was able to forgive myself, LOVE myself, and let go of the codependency and past mistakes and realize "I am enough!" And then when a large challenge happened a few years later... my wife leaving me for someone else, my brother being diagnosed with stage 4 Kidney cancer, and my mom having brain cancer all in a 6 week period, I simply thought there is someone that has it harder than me and it took me less than a second to realize that was my dad... so I chose to be strong for him. My brother made it so 2 out 3 came to fruition, but I had been growing for 3 years with the knowledge "God will never give you a challenge you can't handle."
If you live life long enough, and are able to have humility, you learn from life and truly learn how to live it. Jared, I am so happy you failed at one thing... killing yourself!
I have thought about this for a few days….I drink. A good amount. Like you I am an ex-trader. The stress and the alcohol went hand in hand for many years. I’m not an alcoholic. I can stop for a few days at a time. And on top of all that, I lost two children. One at birth and another to cancer three years ago. It nearly destroyed me. But I had to go on for the sake of my other two boys. The son who died was engaged and I will see his fiancée again, next week, for the first time since the funeral. It will be tough for both of us. I’ll probably drink to dull that pain again. And I will know when to stop. Just over a year ago my first grandchild was born. She has lifted the dark veil that had been brought down on our family. We soldier on, wounded, but with the realization that you cannot give up. For ourselves and for the others that we love. There is purpose and possibility in tragedy. And my dead son would want us to go on, so we live to honor his memory. You cannot outsource the death of a child and most people cannot imagine the pain. But it can be done, if you know when to say no and keep the drink somewhat at bay. Never ever give up.
That's a very interesting observation, that your life turns to crap when you drink. There are so many heavy drinkers out there who would not consider themselves alcoholics because "I don't drink when I'm alone." When I still lived in Germany, I used to do a lot of social drinking... because everyone did it. After work/in the evening, you go to a pub or beer garden, meet up with your friends, and have a few to relax. Germany is the country of craft beer and heavy drinkers, but it's culturally normalized. And yet, a lot of Germans are very miserable and unhappy.
I hear you Jared but I'm in my own head atm. I have high anxiety due to my circumstances and I don't drink. I'm just stuck in so many places right now and it's hard to stay optimistic... How can I get out of this phase?
I'll tout Jared's new book here. Buy "Rule 62" and read it. There is likely something - or several somethings - in there that will give you better perspective on the things that stress you now.
A few years ago the movie 'Collateral Beauty' caught my imagination. It is the story of an entrepreneur whose young daughter dies from cancer. He goes into a shell and neglects everything and everyone, The company is coming up to a crisis of management and he is AWOL, so his close friends engage a troup of actors to try to bring him back to reality.
Their thesis is yes, tragedy happens but good things also happen. Don't miss the collateral beauty. I related to this story because I buried my wife of 20 years at the same time my business went broke and I had to move my teenage daughter from our ancestral home. 1988 was a tough year for me.
I have learned shit happens, but Grace also happens. Don't miss the collateral beauty.
I know many people who have gone through the death of a child and worse. We are responsible for our own happiness. I am a generally cheerful person and it is as a result of past suffering. Everything bad in my life led to everything good. Age gives us perspective.
Reminds me of a friend many years ago, and I only remember his nickname, Red, but we were in the back seat of a van traveling late at night and he started complaining about how bad things were always happening to him, so I asked, "Like what?", and he launched into a series of things that had happened where he felt the world was out to get him. After listening to him for well over an hour, I told him, "Red, there's a common denominator to nearly all these bad experiences you've told me."
"What?", he kind of defiantly replied.
Me: "The all started in a bar."
He paused for a few seconds, eyes wide as he reviewed in his mind what he had shared, then said, "There's no way I'm giving up going to bars."
Me: "Your call. But if you don't want trouble, it's best to avoid going where it's easily found."
Your writing is so personable and truthful … but the line about losing your hands in a farm equipment accident? I know you Jared and I’m betting you have never been, nor ever will, be close enough to farm equipment to ever risk harm 😳. Luv ya …
Love your work love your honesty. Love your outlook. Can’t wait for the book signing coming up. Happy Fourth of July.
Well said.
Whatever happens to us, happened to multitudes before us, the good and the bad. We choose the way we deal with adversity. In the end nothing lasts forever, might as well enjoy the ride. We know how the game ends. I quit drinking 23 years ago , smoking 12. I replaced these destructive stress management practices with exercise, movement and gratitude. The high of a good life is actually way better than substance induced, it just takes longer to get addicted.
".. takes longer to get addicted". I think that's true and why 90% can't reach that level
Wow! So heartfelt... I truly love when you open up your soul and talk about your struggles of the past as well as your foundation for success in living life now.
We all have challenges. My toughest year was 2014 when I was on drugs, but I was more addicted to rescuing (co-dependence is the hardest thing to overcome for me). I literally went crazy, but in my crazy 4 words kept popping in my head (I thought it was for the person I was trying to rescue) ... those words were "Forgive, Love, Let Go" and I would put them out for the person I was trying to rescue...and then I heard in my head ... "Those words are for you (me)!" And I was able to forgive myself, LOVE myself, and let go of the codependency and past mistakes and realize "I am enough!" And then when a large challenge happened a few years later... my wife leaving me for someone else, my brother being diagnosed with stage 4 Kidney cancer, and my mom having brain cancer all in a 6 week period, I simply thought there is someone that has it harder than me and it took me less than a second to realize that was my dad... so I chose to be strong for him. My brother made it so 2 out 3 came to fruition, but I had been growing for 3 years with the knowledge "God will never give you a challenge you can't handle."
If you live life long enough, and are able to have humility, you learn from life and truly learn how to live it. Jared, I am so happy you failed at one thing... killing yourself!
Al Cheech - LadiesOnFilm
I have thought about this for a few days….I drink. A good amount. Like you I am an ex-trader. The stress and the alcohol went hand in hand for many years. I’m not an alcoholic. I can stop for a few days at a time. And on top of all that, I lost two children. One at birth and another to cancer three years ago. It nearly destroyed me. But I had to go on for the sake of my other two boys. The son who died was engaged and I will see his fiancée again, next week, for the first time since the funeral. It will be tough for both of us. I’ll probably drink to dull that pain again. And I will know when to stop. Just over a year ago my first grandchild was born. She has lifted the dark veil that had been brought down on our family. We soldier on, wounded, but with the realization that you cannot give up. For ourselves and for the others that we love. There is purpose and possibility in tragedy. And my dead son would want us to go on, so we live to honor his memory. You cannot outsource the death of a child and most people cannot imagine the pain. But it can be done, if you know when to say no and keep the drink somewhat at bay. Never ever give up.
Jared: Invisible mending on the tear to your suit jacket. Cheaper than a new one and you'll never notice it. Cheers!
Biblical - You will be strengthened by fire. God will forge you stronger. You will not be given more than you can handle. Have faith in the Lord.
You will gain strength & grow.
Thank you
That's a very interesting observation, that your life turns to crap when you drink. There are so many heavy drinkers out there who would not consider themselves alcoholics because "I don't drink when I'm alone." When I still lived in Germany, I used to do a lot of social drinking... because everyone did it. After work/in the evening, you go to a pub or beer garden, meet up with your friends, and have a few to relax. Germany is the country of craft beer and heavy drinkers, but it's culturally normalized. And yet, a lot of Germans are very miserable and unhappy.
I hear you Jared but I'm in my own head atm. I have high anxiety due to my circumstances and I don't drink. I'm just stuck in so many places right now and it's hard to stay optimistic... How can I get out of this phase?
I'll tout Jared's new book here. Buy "Rule 62" and read it. There is likely something - or several somethings - in there that will give you better perspective on the things that stress you now.