You want to know what grinds my gears? When people say they have no regrets. What? Who has no regrets? I have a ton of regrets. I regret things that I said, I regret things that I didn’t say, I regret things that I did, I regret things that I didn’t do, and I regret causing psychic pain to people
I love almost all of your stuff, and this is amongst your best. I’m a year older than you. Spoiler alert, you don’t stop f&$@ing up when you turn 50:)
I like your people skills, you just appeal to different people from others. If you appealed to them, you would not appeal to me. Finding a niche is more important than appealing to all people.
I found this essay deeply ressuring.
I have said I have no regrets in the past, and I usually allude to the chances I have taken. I don't regret taking my opportunities, but I do regret some of the bad behavior or mistakes I have made along the way. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Some people want to use your mistakes and weigh them over you to hold superiority because you took the risk and shot. So I think it is all within the context of how people use the term no regrets.
Beautifully written and agree with all of it. We all go through shit- it's how we learn and recover from it that identifies our soul. Keep up the great work man. Long time subscriber and you've been a saving grace in so many ways. I'm really glad you've found this gift of yours and tapped into it in a big way.
I stopped regretting when I hit my 40s. Not worth the mental and emotional energy.
Thought-provoking. Would I be the person I am today if not for the sum total of my mistakes, and what I have learned from them? As I reflect on my life (I'll be 70 in October), I recognize a LOT of mistakes that were simply a necessary part of my growth and development. However, there are two categories that do cause me real regret.
The first are the mistakes that I made when I already KNEW, before I acted, that I was about to do the wrong thing, and I did it anyway. The second is related, and are the mistakes of others that I should have noted and learned from, rather than having to repeat them myself.
I suppose I could add one more category - those mistakes that I didn't learn from the first time - but only learned better after several iterations, but I also recognize that sometimes I'm just not as fast a learner as I should be.
One other thing I have learned from all this is to be more patient and forgiving of others and their mistakes. I would hope that if I were one of those people that you hurt many years before that I would be willing to accept your overture of reconciliation and recognize that today you are not the same person who hurt me years earlier. A grudge is a very heaving thing to bear.
Good one. You used the common quote “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” but following it you correctly use the word "mistakes":
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” The types of people who make these types of mistakes fall into a specific category: addicts. Get drunk and fuck your boss’s wife. I have no idea how that happened! Get drunk and crash your car. I have no idea how that happened! Get drunk and make out with your best friend’s boyfriend in the closet. I have no idea how that happened! The one thing that defines addicts is the failure to learn from their mistakes—until one day, when they figure it out. Or they never do. And addiction is the very definition of insanity.
It makes more sense if it relates to mistakes, "Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.", because if you do the same thing over & over, e.g., get up & go to work, & the result is good, e.g., you get a paycheck, it's not insanity.
Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different Results – Quote Investigator®
Mistakes especially relate to my trading; too many times I let good trades turn into awful, losing investments.
This one hit me. Too true. I have so many regrets.
I will print this one and post it somewhere to remind myself of your lesson.
I regret trolling you on Twitter.. maybe one day, you’ll unblock me? I’m sorry!
That is why I am a Christian. When I do something regretable; who can make it better? Only Jesus and then only if I obey. Forgive others as Christ has forgiven me. If I can forgive those who disappoint or outright cheat me; then Christ can forgive my screwups and hopefully those whom I have hurt can forgive me too.
I endorse your conclusion. My first wife was killed in a car wreck and I learned that it can all end in 12 seconds. Therefore, one should be prepared for it to end. In 12 seconds....
Another awesome piece Jared. "I just keep coming up with new and creative ways to fuck up." - that one hit home. Dead-on bullseye. Thank you for the deep thinking and hopeful perspective.
Beautiful writing. Honest. You write some of the best stuff out there I have seen Jared. Unique.
I think there are people without regrets because - “Do they not care about the people they’ve steamrolled along the way?” No, they only care about themselves.
Seems like you're going to have many more regrets!
There is another path to addressing (dealing with? honoring? atoning for?) regrets.... apologizing for the pain caused. A flat, unambiguous, unqualified apology: "I am sorry for [doing, saying, being whatever]. I profusely and abjectly apologize for my behavior." No qualifications, no "yeah but..." - just a sincere apology with no expectation of forgiveness. It won't change what happened, but it places the blame squarely where it belongs.
JNice. This is a super piece. Some similarities btwn us. I am reminded constantly by a loving and evolved partner “your only human”. Also, every convo, phone call, embrace, i have felt similar - like this may be the last - that is a lot of pressure, “live and let live” the rest is sorted in the beyond.
Thank you for this note and for sharing real stuff.