We also had the ability to "restart" that I don't think exists anymore. After HS, after college, etc you could turn a blank page and take a stab at becoming who you wanted to be. Now the social media trail follows into eternity. I liked being feral but you're right that it didn't do much for relationships with parents after adulthood when it was optional.
1972 myself. While I tend to agree with most everything you write, I feel you’ve over generalized the GenX situation with this piece.
As a father to 3 myself now, I can compare and contrast their upbringing to mine. I would take mine in a heartbeat. The poison of social media and screens being the biggest difference., but also what you describe as indifference from our parents, I think is most better described as freedom from overbearing control over everything we did. We had rules growing up ( be home before dark at a young age…be home before midnight when we we reached our late teens etc).
So rules. But also freedom. It wasn’t the complete abandonment you described, though I’m sure it was that way for many. Not saying it didn’t happen, or denying that it happened in your situation. But I personally think that the happy medium of supervision and freedom was more prevalent in the GenX generation than in any since…
And I think that combination has fostered the most creative, innovative, entrepreneurial generation this country has ever seen. And that stems DIRECTLY from the freedom, and risk taking, and yes, stupid sht we did as kids.
I'm a boomer from '62 myself. My parents (there were six of us) couldn't have been less encouraging about anything going on in school or after school and wouldn't let us participate in after school activities because that would have meant picking us up afterwards. Come to a school parent-teacher conference? Surely you jest. I wanted to play the drums in the high school band and made the softball team but had to quit after a week because it cost $2 for drum sticks and I had to buy my own glove (and the aforementioned need for a ride), but we didn't get an allowance even though my parents did OK. If we got anything less than an "A", in any subject, we were sentenced to study that subject for hours every week until it was back to an A. Every penny earned from a paper route went into the bank, so I did learn the value of saving at an early age, but zero money for fun things as a kid was too strict. So I learned discipline and the value of hard work, which I'm grateful for, but I didn't shed a single tear at either of their funerals; I was just as disinterested as they were for my entire existence. I'm the complete opposite with my kids and we have a great relationship.
Never seen a more accurate depiction of my life. Incredible how the experience is universal. My parents have no idea how much I despise them. So caught up and clueless in their own self absorbed world they can't even bare to notice.
Born in ‘78. Definitely left to my own devices and mostly abandoned and not much of a relationship to speak of with my parents today, or ever really. It’s always baffled me. My dad lives right down the road and has seen his 3 grandkids once in the last year and only a handful of times ever. Have asked multiple times for more engagement and crickets. I thought it was just my parents but this was really helpful to see the context.
This is literally my life! My bday was 3 days ago. On Instagram my 28 yr old Daughter wrote: Happy birthday to my best friend...my Mom and added a few awesome photos. But my own Mom would NEVER babysit my younger kids. I hate politics. I believe you fight face to face, not online. We are the best generation. That's facts!
Born in 79 and I vibe with this. We rode our bikes friggin everywhere and were up to such stupid shit. I once blew up a mailbox with an "acid" bomb...you know, pour toilet cleaner into a plastic 2 liter bottle filled with foil balls, cap it and run away fast. I loved those early years of freedom. I had one other lucky star - my dad is amazing. He read a book on how to coach baseball so he could be effective coaching me and my brothers. So while we had freedom and did stupid shit, he was there loving us and filled our cups. We were poor as, but rich in spirit.
The Gen X experience growing up is not unique but more likely was very similar to the preceding generations and the last generation before "helicopter" parenting where everything the family does revolves around the kid and they are never allowed to fail.
Millennials and Zoomers are growing up soft, entitled, low self esteem, scared of the world, mental health crisis, and struggle with "adulting" even up into their 30s.
We Gen Xers grew up hard but we grew up physically and mentally healthy and were ready to hit our stride as adults by the time we hit 21.
Duuuuude... Way to much to unpack here. Love the writing, and I am Gen X as well.
I don't even know what to say. I felt The Feels when you talk about the lack of relationship with your folks - and I know many people that feel that as well - but in my case and in many of my peers' cases we actually do have a pretty good relationship with our parents. Maybe it is because I am on the tail end of the Gen X birth dates?
Anyway, I love (in my case) that I grew up around a lot of peers in the neighborhood, we stomped the terra, we got creative and stupid, and we all lived through it. It was a different time.
Last note I will add is the amazing coincidence that we had the AMAZING circumstantial chance to grow up relativlty "free range" and ALSO be the first kids (because we were privileged - thank you mom and dad!) to have a PC in the house. What an amazing time and place to grow up in the world. I love it and am grateful of my good fortune. And Gen X are f**kin' G's. Trial by fire.
Thanks for spelling out your experience on this score. The reality that a lot of us _were_ effectively abandoned—that is, left to our own devices to a fairly wild extent—and the corollary, as you put it later in the piece, of wishing for anything like a normal relationship with one’s parents, was and is still my experience as a Gen X’er (born 1970).
I just spent the afternoon at my parent's house, and although sometimes I do stay for dinner, I didn’t want to this time. Things are always just about to crack. The web of tension pulling at everything is just too much.
Jared, reading your piece here just now helped me recognize, yet again, that this feeling was the genesis of my wanting to escape — which is the central thread of my memoir, serialized here → https://bowendwelle.substack.com/s/memoir
This piece should have had a trigger warning at the top
You are a fearless writer. Love the raw emotional expression
We also had the ability to "restart" that I don't think exists anymore. After HS, after college, etc you could turn a blank page and take a stab at becoming who you wanted to be. Now the social media trail follows into eternity. I liked being feral but you're right that it didn't do much for relationships with parents after adulthood when it was optional.
1972 myself. While I tend to agree with most everything you write, I feel you’ve over generalized the GenX situation with this piece.
As a father to 3 myself now, I can compare and contrast their upbringing to mine. I would take mine in a heartbeat. The poison of social media and screens being the biggest difference., but also what you describe as indifference from our parents, I think is most better described as freedom from overbearing control over everything we did. We had rules growing up ( be home before dark at a young age…be home before midnight when we we reached our late teens etc).
So rules. But also freedom. It wasn’t the complete abandonment you described, though I’m sure it was that way for many. Not saying it didn’t happen, or denying that it happened in your situation. But I personally think that the happy medium of supervision and freedom was more prevalent in the GenX generation than in any since…
And I think that combination has fostered the most creative, innovative, entrepreneurial generation this country has ever seen. And that stems DIRECTLY from the freedom, and risk taking, and yes, stupid sht we did as kids.
Jared,
I love all your stuff, but this was the best.
Unlike Tongi, you may not be able to sing (and I can't either), but it is the showing of the soul that people bond with, even without music.
I bet you get a ton of comments on this one.
Matt Pompeo
Dallas
I'm a boomer from '62 myself. My parents (there were six of us) couldn't have been less encouraging about anything going on in school or after school and wouldn't let us participate in after school activities because that would have meant picking us up afterwards. Come to a school parent-teacher conference? Surely you jest. I wanted to play the drums in the high school band and made the softball team but had to quit after a week because it cost $2 for drum sticks and I had to buy my own glove (and the aforementioned need for a ride), but we didn't get an allowance even though my parents did OK. If we got anything less than an "A", in any subject, we were sentenced to study that subject for hours every week until it was back to an A. Every penny earned from a paper route went into the bank, so I did learn the value of saving at an early age, but zero money for fun things as a kid was too strict. So I learned discipline and the value of hard work, which I'm grateful for, but I didn't shed a single tear at either of their funerals; I was just as disinterested as they were for my entire existence. I'm the complete opposite with my kids and we have a great relationship.
Powerful. Read this 3 times now. It’s a reminder to give my kids more freedom. Let them make mistakes.
Never seen a more accurate depiction of my life. Incredible how the experience is universal. My parents have no idea how much I despise them. So caught up and clueless in their own self absorbed world they can't even bare to notice.
Born in ‘78. Definitely left to my own devices and mostly abandoned and not much of a relationship to speak of with my parents today, or ever really. It’s always baffled me. My dad lives right down the road and has seen his 3 grandkids once in the last year and only a handful of times ever. Have asked multiple times for more engagement and crickets. I thought it was just my parents but this was really helpful to see the context.
This is literally my life! My bday was 3 days ago. On Instagram my 28 yr old Daughter wrote: Happy birthday to my best friend...my Mom and added a few awesome photos. But my own Mom would NEVER babysit my younger kids. I hate politics. I believe you fight face to face, not online. We are the best generation. That's facts!
Well done…One of your best pieces!
Born in 79 and I vibe with this. We rode our bikes friggin everywhere and were up to such stupid shit. I once blew up a mailbox with an "acid" bomb...you know, pour toilet cleaner into a plastic 2 liter bottle filled with foil balls, cap it and run away fast. I loved those early years of freedom. I had one other lucky star - my dad is amazing. He read a book on how to coach baseball so he could be effective coaching me and my brothers. So while we had freedom and did stupid shit, he was there loving us and filled our cups. We were poor as, but rich in spirit.
Anyhow, as usual I dig your writing. Thanks!
The Gen X experience growing up is not unique but more likely was very similar to the preceding generations and the last generation before "helicopter" parenting where everything the family does revolves around the kid and they are never allowed to fail.
Millennials and Zoomers are growing up soft, entitled, low self esteem, scared of the world, mental health crisis, and struggle with "adulting" even up into their 30s.
We Gen Xers grew up hard but we grew up physically and mentally healthy and were ready to hit our stride as adults by the time we hit 21.
So spot on. And I think overall we’ve come out more grateful for what we have, as a result.
Duuuuude... Way to much to unpack here. Love the writing, and I am Gen X as well.
I don't even know what to say. I felt The Feels when you talk about the lack of relationship with your folks - and I know many people that feel that as well - but in my case and in many of my peers' cases we actually do have a pretty good relationship with our parents. Maybe it is because I am on the tail end of the Gen X birth dates?
Anyway, I love (in my case) that I grew up around a lot of peers in the neighborhood, we stomped the terra, we got creative and stupid, and we all lived through it. It was a different time.
Last note I will add is the amazing coincidence that we had the AMAZING circumstantial chance to grow up relativlty "free range" and ALSO be the first kids (because we were privileged - thank you mom and dad!) to have a PC in the house. What an amazing time and place to grow up in the world. I love it and am grateful of my good fortune. And Gen X are f**kin' G's. Trial by fire.
Thanks for spelling out your experience on this score. The reality that a lot of us _were_ effectively abandoned—that is, left to our own devices to a fairly wild extent—and the corollary, as you put it later in the piece, of wishing for anything like a normal relationship with one’s parents, was and is still my experience as a Gen X’er (born 1970).
I just spent the afternoon at my parent's house, and although sometimes I do stay for dinner, I didn’t want to this time. Things are always just about to crack. The web of tension pulling at everything is just too much.
Jared, reading your piece here just now helped me recognize, yet again, that this feeling was the genesis of my wanting to escape — which is the central thread of my memoir, serialized here → https://bowendwelle.substack.com/s/memoir