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Liz's avatar

Spot on. I was a very unhappy young person. My early life had been very challenging due to things mostly out of my control. I bottomed out at age 19 and decided to be happy. I did go to a therapist a couple of times, but I ignored her stuff about my background and picked up on basics like learning to breathe when tense and how to process and not bottle up emotions. It took me two years to be more happy than not and it was hard work. 'For the past 40 years I have been happy most of the time. Horrible things have happened in that time, but I process them and move on. The big realization was that I had liked being miserable because it was comfortable and familiar. Anyone can be miserable, being happy requires choice and work.

Most therapy now is a scam. They just make people worse and destroy relationships by giving people an external locus of control. Nothing is their fault, it is because X, Y or Z happened. Abigail Schrier just wrote a book about this.

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R Stewart's avatar

Jared - as usual, very inciteful - but quite myopic. I don’t mean that as a criticism, merely as a comment. From your perspective, and probably most of your readers, this essay is “right-on”. My mom has just had a second stroke that has left her very confused. She doesn’t remember that she earned a pHD in Biochemistry. A therapist for my 92 year old mother (if one can even find one) fulfills a very different role than what you have written about. My mom is intrinsically happy, but still needs guidance as she nears end-of-life. I’m sure there are a myriad of other situations that don’t fit nicely into any one defined scenario regarding therapy - perhaps that is why there is such a vacuum of qualified individuals in this field. Oh if only Frasier was real ….

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