Well written! When my two sons were in their early teens I decided that I wanted to help them learn that they could do hard things. Why? Several reasons.
First, success in life consists of doing hard things. People who always dodge the hard things tend to be losers. Second, I wanted them to have self-confidence - to be willing to try challenging things with the realization that success is not guaranteed, but focused effort tends to give good results. Third, I don't want them to be whiners. Even when we face something that is not of our own choosing, we need to be able to grit our teeth and deal with it.
Of course, it turned out that teaching them that they can do hard things generally meant that I had to do those hard things with them. Week-long backpacking trips in the high Rockies with my older son (who ran cross-country while I worked at a desk), a 50-mile bike ride in the cold rain with my younger son (for his Eagle Scout) are examples of physical challenges.
I also pushed them to take tough classes in high school. I told them that I would rather they get a "C" in a tough AP class than breeze through an easy class with an "A". So they got mostly A's in the tough classes, which surprised them more than it did me, I think.
Both are now in their mid-30s and doing well. I know that both have gone through some tough times. When they came to me I would listen to them, and then ask, "So what are you going to do now?" I may offer suggestions and ideas, and I always encourage them to talk things out, but they understand that their problems are theirs, not mine. I will encourage and help to the extent that I can, but they have to own their challenges. And they do.
Great article but it all comes down to the individual, and that individual has to accept they are going to lose more often than they win. In exchange for losing more often than they win, they have to be extremely disciplined relative to risk:reward. Losing more often than winning is hard on our peanut brains.
Last Friday night at the dojo a mentor who hadn't been for a couple of weeks and recently had, along with his wife, been ill was there and I asked if things were OK. He told how he and his wife were fine but his sister, who had been diagnosed with stage 4 a few years ago had been having trouble. Apparently, she was diagnosed and said no, I'm going to live to see my son graduate high school. Of course she has been taking care of herself in various ways but a couple of years passed and he was on the path to graduating college and that's the new goal. Hopefully, she makes it but, regardless, that's fucking tough.
I didn't read that as taking a shit on SEALs. And I agree with both of you in a way: SEALs abilities are in large part their mental fortitude and being able to do ungodly tasks under extreme duress and pain. And to that point -- and to my limited knowledge of SEALs which is not zero -- Jared is not entirely wrong about their "core competencies."
This also does not necessarily translate into being successful in certain civilian applications, though I can see where it would be beneficial in some. While not a SEAL, I know a man that was a Marine recon. After his military career he was extremely successful in the private sector. While anecdotal, his colleagues always praised his military background and attributed some things from that as part of his success. But not everyone can translate these skills that way.
Overall, I agree with the gist of your statement, as well as the gist of Jared's article. For what that's worth. There is a lot of nuance here. And it is not a competition, I agree. And most civilians are quite soft, which is an actual problem IMO. So it goes...
Well written! When my two sons were in their early teens I decided that I wanted to help them learn that they could do hard things. Why? Several reasons.
First, success in life consists of doing hard things. People who always dodge the hard things tend to be losers. Second, I wanted them to have self-confidence - to be willing to try challenging things with the realization that success is not guaranteed, but focused effort tends to give good results. Third, I don't want them to be whiners. Even when we face something that is not of our own choosing, we need to be able to grit our teeth and deal with it.
Of course, it turned out that teaching them that they can do hard things generally meant that I had to do those hard things with them. Week-long backpacking trips in the high Rockies with my older son (who ran cross-country while I worked at a desk), a 50-mile bike ride in the cold rain with my younger son (for his Eagle Scout) are examples of physical challenges.
I also pushed them to take tough classes in high school. I told them that I would rather they get a "C" in a tough AP class than breeze through an easy class with an "A". So they got mostly A's in the tough classes, which surprised them more than it did me, I think.
Both are now in their mid-30s and doing well. I know that both have gone through some tough times. When they came to me I would listen to them, and then ask, "So what are you going to do now?" I may offer suggestions and ideas, and I always encourage them to talk things out, but they understand that their problems are theirs, not mine. I will encourage and help to the extent that I can, but they have to own their challenges. And they do.
Caregivers.
Great article but it all comes down to the individual, and that individual has to accept they are going to lose more often than they win. In exchange for losing more often than they win, they have to be extremely disciplined relative to risk:reward. Losing more often than winning is hard on our peanut brains.
Outstanding!
Well said Jared.
:-)
The mind is a dangerous neighborhood, don’t go in alone.
Last Friday night at the dojo a mentor who hadn't been for a couple of weeks and recently had, along with his wife, been ill was there and I asked if things were OK. He told how he and his wife were fine but his sister, who had been diagnosed with stage 4 a few years ago had been having trouble. Apparently, she was diagnosed and said no, I'm going to live to see my son graduate high school. Of course she has been taking care of herself in various ways but a couple of years passed and he was on the path to graduating college and that's the new goal. Hopefully, she makes it but, regardless, that's fucking tough.
I didn't read that as taking a shit on SEALs. And I agree with both of you in a way: SEALs abilities are in large part their mental fortitude and being able to do ungodly tasks under extreme duress and pain. And to that point -- and to my limited knowledge of SEALs which is not zero -- Jared is not entirely wrong about their "core competencies."
This also does not necessarily translate into being successful in certain civilian applications, though I can see where it would be beneficial in some. While not a SEAL, I know a man that was a Marine recon. After his military career he was extremely successful in the private sector. While anecdotal, his colleagues always praised his military background and attributed some things from that as part of his success. But not everyone can translate these skills that way.
Overall, I agree with the gist of your statement, as well as the gist of Jared's article. For what that's worth. There is a lot of nuance here. And it is not a competition, I agree. And most civilians are quite soft, which is an actual problem IMO. So it goes...