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Don't discount the "Icarus" effect - flying too close to the sun (and not getting burnt) has a thrill factor. Driving home drunk and not getting caught, cheating and not getting caught, going to work hammered and no-one noticed - all have a thrill factor. "I can get away with this! I'm more clever than they are". That thrill becomes addictive and justifies the means.

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Jul 27, 2022·edited Jul 27, 2022

Wow. This reaches me on so many levels. I was one of those "miracles." People have often told me they never thought I would make it. My true addiction though wasn't drugs even though I did do some bad drugs. No, my addiction was love (a subset of co-dependence). Addiction to a person is so much harder to break than an addiction to a drug (at least it was for me). The need to rescue was so strong. In reading your essay I was able to see both her and I. I made it thus far, but she didn't. She died a week before her 34th birthday. I hadn't seen her in many years prior to her dying because I was working on myself and my addiction. I still sometimes struggle with shame and depression.

And if you don't think it could kill, it can. In my case I was doing drugs to be accepted by this person. Enough, where it could have killed me.

But I'm only 80% to where I want to be and it is the easy 80%. It's like the 80/20 principle in reverse. I need to work hard on the 20% because that will bring true peace. Five times the man I am today.

Jared thank you for your writing. I look forward to Tuesdays. - Al

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Great article Jared.

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Excellent article. Thank you for taking the time to publish this

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Agree 100%. I was lucky to bottom out at 19 because the rest has been uphill. In my case I decided to be a happy person and it was years of slow hard work.

With exercise only the beginning is hard, then it starts to feel good again. To motivate myself I remind myself how good I feel after and how much smarter I am when I do it. Work it in slowly or you will wind up injured at your age. I am older and started with weekly weight lifting for several months, now I am doing 3x per week. I crave better food and have more focus.

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