ODAAT

In the world of 12-step programs, such as those for alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex, there is one slogan that bears repeating over and over again:

One Day at a Time.

As many of you know, I manage money. In June, I experienced a drawdown. It was relatively serious. And the really tragic thing about it is that it set back my fundraising efforts a couple of years, probably. I had plans. I had plans of where I wanted to be a year, three years, five years, and ten years from now, and all I could think about was the time and effort it was going to take to claw my way back to the high-water mark. I got pretty depressed thinking about it.

And then someone reminded me: one day at a time.

The reality is that I can’t control things that happen one year, three years, five years, and ten years from now. All I can control are my own actions, today. That’s it. So the way to climb out of a drawdown is to focus on the next right trade, one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

The reason the addiction folks talk about one day at a time is because when you first make a decision to give up alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex, the sheer enormity of giving it up for an entire lifetime, well, seems too hard. I don’t know that I won’t drink ten years from now. All I know is that I won’t drink today. If you can make it a whole day without a drink, then that is a fine accomplishment, and that is a good day. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe you will pick up a drink tomorrow. But you’re not going to pick one up today. And when you wake up tomorrow, you can focus on not having a drink that day. Decades of sobriety are really just a bunch of individual days strung together. There’s no magic to it.

The reality is that one day at a time can be used for a lot of different things. Say you want to get a promotion at work. If you sit there and think about all the work and effort and ballsucking it is going to take to get there, it can be a little daunting. You have to break it down into small pieces. You do this thing, and you do that thing, and you do an accumulation of things, and then you get the promotion. Do not make plans. God laughs at our plans. All you can do is the next right thing.

Let’s say you did something bad and lost the trust of your spouse. How do you earn it back? One day at a time.

Let’s say you wanted to build a giant model train set. It’s six months’ worth of work. How do you do it? One day at a time.

Let’s say you wanted to infiltrate America and dismantle Western Civilization from within. How do you do it? One day at a time. (Couldn’t resist.)

I have written about my struggles with weight. One of the reasons all of my efforts to lose weight have met with failure is because of a complete inability to think in terms of one day at a time. For example, if I weigh 240, and I want to get to 210, there are going to be days when, no matter how little I ate, or how much I exercised, the number on the scale is going to go up a pound. This is the point in which I become completely demoralized and give up. I’m not at 210, I’m moving away from my goal, and I can’t handle the frustration, and I go back to eating cheeseburgers. I can do one day at a time with some things, but not with losing weight, apparently. The hardos on this list will probably call it a lack of discipline. It’s really just a matter of thinking long-term instead of short-term. I want to get from Point A to Point B without passing through the space in between. Also, I like Chinese food.

These days, I don’t have a high opinion of goals. The kids like to talk about hashtag goals all the time. You might see someone with ripped abs on Instagram and write #goals. I don’t really have goals. I don’t have a goal to make x amount of money by year y. I don’t have a goal to be a world-famous DJ by year z. I do have a goal to pay off my mortgage, and I do it one month at a time. Most of the time, I just focus on doing the footwork—taking the next right action and figuring that everything will work out in the end. If I think about the goal, to the exclusion of all else, I will put the cart before the horse. Some people have goals to lose 30/40/50 pounds. A better approach would be to lose weight until you are happy, then you stop. Also, sometimes, people set unrealistic goals, get part of the way there, and give up, despondent, when they should be happy with the actual progress they made. And also, some things are not entirely within your control. In money management, you can’t control the markets, obviously, and a lot of luck is involved. It makes no sense to get angry with yourself for making decisions under uncertainty and getting a bad result because of some random exogenous event. I view trading losses with some sense of equanimity. You got mad at yourself because you couldn’t predict what Trump would tweet? You couldn’t predict the weather in Iowa? That is a dumb game.

In an earlier essay, I talked about the complete and utter futility of planning. I am the Joker. I’m like a dog chasing cars. I don’t plan. Yes, I built a house. We hired an architect, and we hired a GC, and we picked out doorknobs and such, but that was pretty much the extent of it. Building the house, from buying the land to completion, was about a three-and-a-half-year process. It took a little longer than expected and cost a little more than expected, which is normal. No amount of planning would have prevented that from happening. Like with most things in life, I am along for the ride. If someone tells me I need to pick out doorknobs, I will pick out doorknobs, but until that point, I am not going to worry about it.

Sometimes one day at a time simply means that I don’t have to make a decision on something at this very moment. I don’t have to decide today—I can decide tomorrow. I can wait until the last possible minute to decide. Making decisions is hard, and if you can postpone making a decision, usually that is the best course of action. I don’t have to decide this right now is a pretty powerful statement. You will know when the right time to decide is. It’s not procrastination—you will decide when you are ready to decide. The thought of making a decision on something can be very stressful. Let’s say your marriage has hit the skids and you are thinking about getting a divorce. This is a very hard decision to make. In situations like these, I usually let the universe make the decision for me. Something will happen or won’t happen that will make up my mind one way or another. Agonizing over the decision doesn’t help. I like to say that I don’t really make decisions—I am just a vessel. God makes them for me.

Sometimes, things are tough. You’re going through some shit. Here is my advice to you: say a prayer, read a book, get some sleep, and things will be a little better in the morning. All three of these things are important, especially the sleep part. If you don’t enough sleep, the problems that you had today will be worse tomorrow. I will admit to having some Valium in case of emergency, in the event that I am vexed about something, because if I get eight hours of sleep, my problems will seem smaller tomorrow. I am all about better living through chemistry, as long as it’s not habit-forming. The thing about sleep is that it marks the end of one day and the beginning of another. If you don’t get any sleep, you’re just going to have one extra-long shitty day, which is not going to help. You can’t really do one day at a time if you don’t get any sleep.

The point here is to live in the present, think and act short-term, don’t plan, and wear life like a loose garment. I don’t know what’s best for you; I only know what’s best for me, but my experience is that we’re all the same and we all have the same problems and we have more in common than we think we do. One day at a time is the key to healthy, spiritual living.