DGAF stands for “Don’t Give A Fuck,” and while I enjoy saying the F-word from time to time, if I do an entire essay on not giving an F, I will end up writing the offending word 100 times.
"Grape smugglers" ha ha ha you got me with that one.
This essay reminds me of Mark Manson who also puts out some good signal about finding the courage to work on yourself and love and accept yourself so that you actually enjoy your life and progress in good ways
also I have bought your books under my husbands name since he has the amazon account .. I read all of your stories sent to my email box......I completely agree you can't control how people think, or talk about you...Ignoring or getting them out of your life works for me but then I'm 78..Reacting this way gives me peace.
Love the quote from Anthony Hopkins that you shared… I’m always trying to edit my Substack thoughts less and less… I couldn’t even tell you how many times I read and reread and read and reread my first article here… now, I just think of something I wanna share with my 27 followers (if they even see it 😂) and toss it right into a Note here… haven’t written an article in a while… probably because I know that I am far too precious with the long form pieces 🤔
If you really DGAF, why would you write an essay explaining that you DGAF? It wouldn't be worth the effort. We all aspire not to GAF, but few of us get there.
TLDR: Loved the essay. I have opinions, because of course I do.
> Even a bad book review can be good.
When looking at a product, I go out of my way to look for the lowest reviews. The content and quality of the bad reviews - or lack thereof - say a lot more about the product than most 'good' reviews.
It's also my opinion that a 'good' bad review improves the rating of a product by scaring off the sorts of people who would rate it poorly.
> In a lot of respects, working on Wall Street was like being in the military in terms of conformism—perhaps worse.
Ironically, if I DGAF, I'd stand out by wearing a military-like uniform as a civilian. The 'silky' underwear looks horrendous but is very comfortable and durable, the undershirts are comfortably soft and make great cleaning rags when they eventually wear out, and the 'camouflage uniforms' aka 'cammies' aren't nicknamed 'battle pajamas' without cause. And the pockets! So many pockets. Big ones.
If you're gonna deal with a conformity, it should at least be a good one. (Also, being nonconformist without technically breaking regulations inspires much creativity.)
The dress uniforms are another matter. Pros: look good. Cons: everything else.
> If you’re going to be a DJ, you have to look like a DJ. No, you don’t!
Practical trades are fun because certain clothing is required for reasons of safety and pragmatism, but the tools and gadgets that decorate the clothing end up highly personalized. How they decorated their beltloops, work jackets, and toolboxes said a lot about their specializations and priorities.
One place I worked, job roles were color coded by reflective vests... but the dress code wasn't strictly enforced. This meant entry level employees with non standard vests were routinely mistaken for those with advanced roles.
Interestingly enough, the people with the gumption to wear non standard vests tended to work the hardest. They either wound up promoted, became experienced enough to be promoted in all but paycheck, or 'promoted' via finding a better job.
Research has verified that clothing, be it conformism to a group ideal or an individual statement, has a strong psychological impact on work ethic and even moral ethics. This can be both a positive and a negative force, depending on many factors.
>I’m going to take a rope and tie a knot around my neck and choke myself all day?
At the risk of going into tinfoil hat territory, the persistence of ties is due to the gender that rules fashion not being the gender that wears ties. Comfort and common sense has never been a significant factor for either gender's fashion, though, so I'm probably off base here.
Sadly, there are many I personally GAF that insist on ties.
>First, a quote from Anthony Hopkins:
A good quote, though of course it can be taken out of context and to extremes. That's true of any quote, though.
The Golden Rule is a pretty good rule of thumb: would I want my doppelganger to do or say that to me? Will future me regret doing or saying that in the next fifteen seconds?
>In summary, I don’t care if people don’t like me. I’m not going to be a crank on purpose, but I’m not trying to win any popularity contests.
Lots of overlap with Christianity and, I'm sure, many other ancient religions and philosophies, when it comes to being unafraid to stand out, let go of what others think, and stick to sound principles.
>You see, I don’t think there is any such thing as oversharing. I think if people said what they thought, the world would be a better place.
The prerequisite for pulling that off is being able to accept people for who they are, including one's own self. A laudable goal and worth working towards, but I don't expect any human to perfect it by their own merits or within a single mortal lifespan.
I've personally noticed that people give me a lot more leeway to be myself when I give them leeway to be themselves, such as by genuinely caring and listening to them as people - regardless of my opinion on their opinions or feelings about their feelings.
There's a limit, but it always surprises me how often people find genuineness refreshing.
(Also, having an environment in which full disclosure is encouraged and accepted is a key component of highly successful addiction recovery groups like AA. I wouldn't want all of live to be that open, but I think having at least one outlet for that kind of sharing is important.)
---
Independent of any individual experiences, opinions, or takes, this essay raises a great point: What things do I care about, that don't matter, that I can let go of to become happier and more productive? A lot of things, that's for sure.
Excellent advice. It’s impossible to be yourself if you need everyone to like you and absurd to think it’s even possible. Hard to have your own thoughts or point of view if they have to align with what others want them to be.
"Grape smugglers" ha ha ha you got me with that one.
This essay reminds me of Mark Manson who also puts out some good signal about finding the courage to work on yourself and love and accept yourself so that you actually enjoy your life and progress in good ways
Alright. You made me LOL. Thank you. ☺️
also I have bought your books under my husbands name since he has the amazon account .. I read all of your stories sent to my email box......I completely agree you can't control how people think, or talk about you...Ignoring or getting them out of your life works for me but then I'm 78..Reacting this way gives me peace.
Love the quote from Anthony Hopkins that you shared… I’m always trying to edit my Substack thoughts less and less… I couldn’t even tell you how many times I read and reread and read and reread my first article here… now, I just think of something I wanna share with my 27 followers (if they even see it 😂) and toss it right into a Note here… haven’t written an article in a while… probably because I know that I am far too precious with the long form pieces 🤔
Anyways, as always man, great stuff!🍻
“You can’t control what people do or how they treat you. You can only control how you react to it.”
or more succintly..... DGAF. Thank you.
I need to re-read your second book. Can't believe it's been 10 years. A nice Christmas Day read 😃
And this is why Popeye is my favorite philosopher, as he always says, and a standard to which I try to live up, I yam what I yam
It's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see, you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself . - Rick Nelson
If you really DGAF, why would you write an essay explaining that you DGAF? It wouldn't be worth the effort. We all aspire not to GAF, but few of us get there.
TLDR: Loved the essay. I have opinions, because of course I do.
> Even a bad book review can be good.
When looking at a product, I go out of my way to look for the lowest reviews. The content and quality of the bad reviews - or lack thereof - say a lot more about the product than most 'good' reviews.
It's also my opinion that a 'good' bad review improves the rating of a product by scaring off the sorts of people who would rate it poorly.
> In a lot of respects, working on Wall Street was like being in the military in terms of conformism—perhaps worse.
Ironically, if I DGAF, I'd stand out by wearing a military-like uniform as a civilian. The 'silky' underwear looks horrendous but is very comfortable and durable, the undershirts are comfortably soft and make great cleaning rags when they eventually wear out, and the 'camouflage uniforms' aka 'cammies' aren't nicknamed 'battle pajamas' without cause. And the pockets! So many pockets. Big ones.
If you're gonna deal with a conformity, it should at least be a good one. (Also, being nonconformist without technically breaking regulations inspires much creativity.)
The dress uniforms are another matter. Pros: look good. Cons: everything else.
> If you’re going to be a DJ, you have to look like a DJ. No, you don’t!
Practical trades are fun because certain clothing is required for reasons of safety and pragmatism, but the tools and gadgets that decorate the clothing end up highly personalized. How they decorated their beltloops, work jackets, and toolboxes said a lot about their specializations and priorities.
One place I worked, job roles were color coded by reflective vests... but the dress code wasn't strictly enforced. This meant entry level employees with non standard vests were routinely mistaken for those with advanced roles.
Interestingly enough, the people with the gumption to wear non standard vests tended to work the hardest. They either wound up promoted, became experienced enough to be promoted in all but paycheck, or 'promoted' via finding a better job.
Research has verified that clothing, be it conformism to a group ideal or an individual statement, has a strong psychological impact on work ethic and even moral ethics. This can be both a positive and a negative force, depending on many factors.
>I’m going to take a rope and tie a knot around my neck and choke myself all day?
At the risk of going into tinfoil hat territory, the persistence of ties is due to the gender that rules fashion not being the gender that wears ties. Comfort and common sense has never been a significant factor for either gender's fashion, though, so I'm probably off base here.
Sadly, there are many I personally GAF that insist on ties.
>First, a quote from Anthony Hopkins:
A good quote, though of course it can be taken out of context and to extremes. That's true of any quote, though.
The Golden Rule is a pretty good rule of thumb: would I want my doppelganger to do or say that to me? Will future me regret doing or saying that in the next fifteen seconds?
>In summary, I don’t care if people don’t like me. I’m not going to be a crank on purpose, but I’m not trying to win any popularity contests.
Lots of overlap with Christianity and, I'm sure, many other ancient religions and philosophies, when it comes to being unafraid to stand out, let go of what others think, and stick to sound principles.
>You see, I don’t think there is any such thing as oversharing. I think if people said what they thought, the world would be a better place.
The prerequisite for pulling that off is being able to accept people for who they are, including one's own self. A laudable goal and worth working towards, but I don't expect any human to perfect it by their own merits or within a single mortal lifespan.
I've personally noticed that people give me a lot more leeway to be myself when I give them leeway to be themselves, such as by genuinely caring and listening to them as people - regardless of my opinion on their opinions or feelings about their feelings.
There's a limit, but it always surprises me how often people find genuineness refreshing.
(Also, having an environment in which full disclosure is encouraged and accepted is a key component of highly successful addiction recovery groups like AA. I wouldn't want all of live to be that open, but I think having at least one outlet for that kind of sharing is important.)
---
Independent of any individual experiences, opinions, or takes, this essay raises a great point: What things do I care about, that don't matter, that I can let go of to become happier and more productive? A lot of things, that's for sure.
Excellent advice. It’s impossible to be yourself if you need everyone to like you and absurd to think it’s even possible. Hard to have your own thoughts or point of view if they have to align with what others want them to be.
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